Archeological Site Suggests Clowns Discovered the Americas

Most every European, Middle- and Far-Eastern nation lays claim to having set foot on North American soil well before the arrival of Christopher Columbus – from the Phoenicians to the Irish; from Eric the Red to the Welsh and Chinese. But recent discoveries point to another, rather unlikely, heir to the claim.

Evidence has recently been unearthed, lending credence that an early band of clowns may have migrated west across the northern Atlantic some 600 years ago, after having been set adrift by an unappreciative audience in either Denmark or Norway.

Archeologists have discovered, at an undisclosed site along the coastline of Nova Scotia, well-preserved and rare examples of early squirt flowers, crude wooden hand buzzers and what appears to be remnants of a VW bug. Also unearthed are hundreds of well-preserved footprints – or, more accurately, shoe prints – that one research assistant could only describe as "humongous; simply humongous."

This discovery would go a long way toward explaining a myth shared by Native American peoples of the Northeast that describes "… a colorful but hideous people appearing from the East, with much tumbling and honking." Indians apparently mistook the colorful makeup of the clowns for war paint and responded in kind, putting an end to what was a brief, but amusing, attempt to establish a colony of clowns in the New World. It wasn't until hundreds of years later that clowns were able to secure a firm footing in this country, establishing a permanent site along the shores of the Potomac River - the future home of our nation's capital - where their descendants can still be found today.